Why you should make him wait for sex when dating

Waiting to be intimate might be a good idea – while some ladies are cool with getting close without expecting a commitment, many feel upset if it doesn’t lead to something more. By something more, I mean commitment. 

If you’re after a true relationship, It’s smart to filter out unqualified guys.

Check out this insightful blog by love coach Sarah Ize-Iyamu to learn why waiting helps you find guys ready for commitment.

So, let’s get right into it.

But first, let me break this to you.

Most men don’t lie to get sex

If you’re wondering if a guy is serious about you, then try holding off on intimacy. But If you can’t do that, then that’s cool too. I mean, you’re free to have sex with whoever you want. but don’t be shocked if some guys don’t stay around for long. 

I don’t judge women who have sex without commitment. As a love coach, I just want to say, that when there’s no commitment, guys might not make much effort since they don’t have to do anything special to have sex with you. I’m just sharing that waiting can lead to better results.

If you’re dreaming of having your own kids, your early 30s offer more choices than your early 40s. So, it’s smart to focus on love in your younger years, making wise choices when you’ve got lots of great guys to choose from. But If marriage and kids are not your thing, and you’d rather stay single than make compromises, that’s totally okay too.

“Real love goes beyond sex. If he’s not thinking about marriage, waiting won’t change it. Building a lasting connection involves more than passion.”

Mostly right, but it misses the point I was making. Surprisingly, many guys don’t lie to just get intimate. As we know, they don’t need to, since sex is often easily available. So, waiting for commitment might scare away a guy looking for fun rather than a serious relationship.

Labeling a guy as your boyfriend doesn’t guarantee a lasting marriage, but it does signal that he’s not seeing anyone else and is genuinely interested in building a future with you. Of course, there’s always the chance of encountering a dishonest person, but trust me, most guys prefer honesty over deceit. 

You don’t have to wait before taking things further. Waiting isn’t about counting dates; it’s about making sure the guy genuinely cares. If he’s into you after a few dates, you can consider a serious relationship. It’s about his intentions – does he want commitment or just sex?

Many women fear being seen as “too easy” if they have sex too soon or “waiting too long” might make the guy seek it elsewhere. But nobody’s judging you for being intimate. It’s not about missing out if he wants sex early. You have the power to be yourself, weigh your choices, get his perspective, make him happy, and still stand firm that a real connection comes before sex.

If you’re the type of woman that likes sex, and you’re wondering what to tell a guy if you don’t like the sex then break up with him. Look, I understand if you’re exploring the relationship and testing the waters, especially when it comes to sex. In the dating phase, you’ve got over two years to figure out if marriage would be possible. And sexual compatibility is just one piece of the puzzle when deciding your future. Picking a boyfriend is a different decision compared to choosing a life partner.

For those who believe in “sex first,” it’s like insisting you need to do it before committing, or what? Before finding out you might not match in certain ways? Isn’t dating about discovering if you can spend your life together? It’s not about dismissing sex, but trying things out in a committed relationship first and having the right to break up if it doesn’t work, be it after a month or more.

In that regard, sex is similar to finding out if he has anger issues or struggles with communication. You deal with the situation, and if it doesn’t work, you might decide to end things. Having sex isn’t a must; it’s a choice. But it’s okay as long as the woman is comfortable with the uncertainty about where the relationship is going. Many women, as you know, aren’t comfortable with that.

As a love coach for high-achieving women, I often help them to be honest. Hoping for love in 30 days on Match or expecting only “perfect” guys to reach out might lead to disappointment. And a fantastic date doesn’t automatically mean you’re in a relationship. What I mean here is totally different. Instead of expecting less, why deal with a situation where the guy you were with is already looking for someone else? It’s better to wait for guys who’ve clearly said they want to be only with you before having sex.

Why give up on expecting anything from guys? It’s a common issue – you’ve read it here: that”Guys only text, they just want fun, they won’t pay, and they also don’t plan ahead!” So, do you think the solution is to have sex, expect nothing, talk through text, and hope you both decide on a relationship? Those odds don’t sound good to me.

Let’s keep things clear: If you’re into texting and having fun without expecting much, that’s totally fine. No judgment here! This advice is specifically for ladies tired of the confusion after being with someone. It’s not about judging your choices; it’s about helping those who want more clarity. Just keeping it real.

To avoid being misunderstood: 

If you’re into texting and having sex without expecting much, that’s totally fine. No judgment here! This advice is specifically for ladies tired of the confusion after laying down with someone. It’s not about judging your choices; it’s about helping those who want more clarity. Just keeping it real. I will repeat this few more times.

My clients are being patient to figure out two important things about men.

1. if he could be a good boyfriend – you know, he should be kind, reliable, talks well, and into a serious relationship, and 

2. if she really likes him enough to want him as her boyfriend. Because just being attracted to someone isn’t a reliable sign of a good match. So, by taking a bit more time, my clients can see if he’s putting in the effort to be a good boyfriend and if she genuinely wants to commit to him.

In my perspective, women take the lead, and men are like job applicants. If you, as an applicant, can’t communicate often, show you’re into a serious relationship, and are not patient, then my clients aren’t interested. Those who expect intimacy without commitment after a few dates won’t find success in this “company.” They might think she’s uptight or playing games, but she’s not. She’s just prioritizing herself, realizing that getting intimate and waiting for a call is no fun. It’s her choice, and I think she’s completely justified. If he decides to leave, it’s more his loss than hers in my opinion.

For those who may have forgotten, if you’re okay with having casual relationships with guys who aren’t committed, that’s totally fine. Do what brings you happiness; I’m not here to judge or shame. My focus is helping women steer clear of that uncertain feeling with men and find more fulfilling connections.

But some people might have sex on their first date and develop a strong relationship after that.  Yes. Many relationships begin like that. Mine did too. I’m not talking about whether it’s right or wrong. I’m talking about whether it works. When two people who don’t know each other well get together for a night of passion, things shift, whether you want them to or not.

At times, he might not connect with you personally. Maybe he’s into your looks, not your character. Sometimes, he feels lonely or just wants sex. Other times, he could be seeing someone else or recovering from a past relationship. Occasionally, he’s not emotionally open or may act selfishly.

So, when someone supports the idea of being intimate before getting to know someone, it means they’re open to taking risks. They might end up with someone who doesn’t appreciate them, is lonely, sees other people, is emotionally distant, or is just not a great person. Why? Because they don’t expect much. And because they don’t expect much, they think you should do the same. Read that once again. Have you ever been close to someone like that? Wouldn’t spending time together for 7 dates in 4 weeks help you understand these things before getting so involved?

Another reminder: If you’re okay with being with not-so-nice guys, this isn’t for you. But if you want to understand a guy better, especially his plans for the future and how you vibe as friends, give it a month rather than just one night. What’s the harm in taking a bit more time?

Also, if you probably have questions like: “Why would a man want a relationship when he can go have sex and leave and do whatever he wants?”

The answer is simple. Because guys often seek sex and find love. While chasing intimacy, he learns more about you and realizes he genuinely enjoys your company. The more he enjoys being with you, the more he wants to choose you above everyone else. When he values you the most, he’ll commit because what he gains from the relationship outweighs any sacrifice of being exclusive.

It’s totally okay for a woman to say, around the fifth date when things are getting intimate, “Hey, I really like you and would love to have sex with you, but I’m not comfortable if you’re still searching for others online. Do you understand?” He might say, “Sure, I get it.” Then she can suggest other fun things to do while they figure out if they want a serious relationship. Then they can explore each other’s boundaries in the meantime.

On a side note, it’s kinda curious how some ladies who firmly say “no” can get upset when I tell them it’s totally fine to say “no.” I’m not here to limit your choices or judge. Friendly advice: getting involved without commitment might up the chance of heartbreak. If you’re cool with that for the love of intimacy, all the power to you.

I’m happy to share a way that lots of women have found helpful. A woman can say no to being intimate and still be cool, fun, playful, and attractive. It just means she has her own sensible rules about when to be intimate. If he can’t respect that, then Bye Bye.

Waiting for sex isn’t just about waiting for marriage or playing games for a commitment. It’s about giving things time to see if your guy is really someone you want as a life partner, not just someone for a short-term romance.

And, as I might have said before, if you’re not looking for a serious relationship and just want to enjoy your time together, go ahead and do what feels right for you. No judgment here.

That being said, if you want to know how to bring positive energy into your life, find your perfect match, or enhance your current relationship, then you might want to get into the Committed & Cherished Program.

This is my private coaching program that will help you heal your emotional wounds and attract an emotionally healthy man so you can thrive in both love and money. 

Click here to take the first step in your love transformation.