8 ways high-achieving women “mother” their man in a romantic relationship and how to avoid it

Women have a fantastic mothering instinct, but when a woman starts using this instinct in her romantic relationship, it creates chaos. Even if a woman decides not to have children, she still has this powerful trait.

When a woman newly steps into motherhood, there are cases in which she starts mothering her man. This kills the attraction in the relationship.

Simply put, your spouse or boyfriend is not your child. He is your lover. He has to earn your love and trust, just as you have to gain his.

However, it might be very tempting to mother your man in the beginning of a relationship since you might find a lot of joy in that. Furthermore, your man will look to you for an unhealthy kind of mothering if he had any problems as a child with his own mother.

This is tricky because:

When a man has to be mothered, he can’t really give you much. He stands in the role of always taking part in the relationship, believing that because he was never given nurturing as a child, he is entitled to it now. Therefore, it is in your natural instinct to give without expecting anything in return. However, this leads to a breakdown in the emotional attraction in the relationship and his pulling away.

Furthermore, as your relationship develops, you become so accustomed to taking care of your partner that asking for anything from him makes you feel guilty —after all, how could a “mother” expect anything from her child? Even worse, it feels like you are deserting your own child when you genuinely want to break up with him, which is against your entire mother instinct.

If you tend to overmother your children, consider your own upbringing. Maybe your own mother or father didn’t show you unconditional affection. You vowed to never abandon anyone the way you had been abandoned because you yearned to be a mother. Or maybe you were raised as the “responsible one”, in which case your natural maternal instincts spill over into all your relationships, whether romantic or not. In any case, being a mother brings you great comfort.

A man who enjoys being mothered by you or feels that you are mothering him will either grow resentful of you or pull away from you. Who wants to have sex with his mother, after all? He may need you at first, but in time, he will let go of you—either physically, emotionally, or both—just like a child who grows up and no longer needs his mother. On the other hand, perhaps you are no longer drawn to him because you realize that you require a man—not a child—as a lover.

It’s time to become aware of your mothering instinct when dating if you’re single and become aware of it. Caring for him during his illness is one thing, but stopping what you’re doing to attend to all of his needs is quite another. Furthermore, you are neither his caregiver nor his therapist. A man is not a giver if he looks to you to solve his problems all the time. That is a warning sign, so let him go!

However, if you’re married and have been a mother for years, you might be wondering, “When will he take care of me for once?” or worry about how you’ll ever leave him since he is incapable of taking care of himself, it’s time you realized what you really needed, not what you kept giving.

Ask yourself what you deserve, whether you’re married or not. In a relationship, you are free to be his lover, not his mother. Mothering him is a selfless, exhausting, and unnecessary task unless a real child is involved.

A romantic relationship is all about holding the emotional attraction in the relationship. But when you start overgiving and mothering your man, he will resent you, lose attraction to you, and discard you.

You’re practically over-functioning in a relationship for your man, who can care for himself. He is your lover, not your child. There’s nothing wrong with mothering and nurturing your kids, but it’s a different ballgame when you do that to your man.

So instead of playing the role of a mother to your man, master the role of being a sexy lover to him.

Deep down, no man wants to be married to a “controlling mother.”

If you find yourself overmothering, ask yourself, Where did it stem from? Childhood? or past romantic relationships?

Some of the ways women “mother” their man

Giving unsolicited advice
Being controlling
Overgiving
Doing everything for him
Complaining a lot
Not knowing how to ask him or receive help from him
Getting in the way of his friends and hobbies
Not trusting that he will get it done in the right way

Ways to stop being his “mother” and ignite your inner bad girl for your husband:

Buying new outfits, skincare and makeup products
Practicing more self-care, such as wearing a face mask, soaking in bubble baths, and playing soft music at home
Give him only a listening ear when he comes to talk about issues with you.
Take all that energy and give it to yourself
Read a new book or buy a course, or even Join the Cherished & Committed Program here; we’re sharing secrets to inspiring your man to Cherish & commit to you for life.

For once, pour that energy into yourself. Be kind to yourself. Attend to all of your needs. Learn the same life lessons you wish you had learned growing up. Women tend to overlook this important step a lot.

Get a special treat for yourself today!

Wishing you more love as always,

Sarah.

P.S: What other ways do you think women “mother” their men? Let me know your thoughts in the comment below.